How to Forgive (Yourself and Others) – Easy Steps

Resilience + Clarity


How I Forgive


I’ve been getting questions lately about how to forgive. The thoughts and steps I’m going to share are what I’ve used to forgive others (and most importantly myself) for things that have happened. It’s not that I am saying that whatever you are trying to forgive is ok, the focus of these steps is to release the energies so you can be free.

Learning to do this has been one of these best things I’ve ever done for myself, and letting go of anger, blame, hatred, fear (all these lower energies/emotions) is almost like being in a hot air balloon, you are just lifted up and floating free.

I will not lie: this might take focused effort on your part over time. If you are forgiving someone for violence against you, such as abuse, you might also have anger at your parents or the police for not protecting you. You might have anger at yourself for not protecting yourself.  Include all of that in the processes below.

Realize as well that these issues could be part of this lifetime, so you could forgive similar experiences from past lives.  The processes below can move throughout past lives as well.

I do a few things (and I repeat them, and do them in different orders – whatever works):

  • Pray for help
  • EFT to release
  • Doing something physical to release tension
  • Practicing kindness towards myself
  • Being grateful for the guidance and the ability to forgive
  • Repeating until I am free
  • Being aware of the freedom from the release and anchoring that updated feeling into my life

The point of all this is to change the energy and change your thoughts so you are freeing yourself from the ways this is holding you back. I do physical things like EFT and releasing tension because for me the physical body processes energies last, so I do things to help my body process because I’ve found that when I do this everything moves out more quickly. 

You can do 1 thing or 2 things, in different orders, or try 1 and see what works for you. It’s important to work on this, set a goal for being free of this and keep at it until you feel relief. Please remember this is like healing a deep cut – you have to clean it out and the healing takes time, but it works. 


I am that I am. I call up all of my spiritual guides, known and unknown, to help me release my anger, fears, frustrations, and all energies related to (name the issue and person/entity – it might be a government, for instance).  I call forth the violet flame of transmutation to change these energies to the highest love and light throughout all time and space. I ask that all of my energetic bodies, through all levels, planes and dimensions of my consciousness, be freed of thoughts, feelings or beliefs related to what I am seeking to forgive. I ask that all of my energetic bodies be cleared of this energy, and any associated energies throughout all time and space be cleared, and replaced with love and light. Any energies from this experience that are in my energetic bodies I release now, cleansed in the highest light and love and returned to their source. I call back to me now any energies I have left in this situation or with the people involved, cleansed in the highest light and love, to return now and serve as rocket fuel for my dreams. I ask to be released from any connection to this experience and the people involved, and to be supported in moving forward with grace throughout the rest of my life.  I ask for the energies of Archangel Michael, the Goddess Isis, and Mother Mary to fill me with light and love so I am blessed by this release. Please help me let go, please help me focus on standing in my light and love and power and grace, so that my energies and focus moving forward are on making my dreams come true. I am most grateful for the help in the process, and I ask that this help continue unceasingly until I am free of all energies, thoughts and beliefs related to this. So be it and so it is. 

EFT (tapping) to release and reprogram

I think it’s easiest to send you to YouTube to find a video/teacher you like for EFT.  Here’s one from Brad Yates that gives a good but brief introduction.  There are many teachers on YouTube. Find someone you like.

I do a lot of EFT. Sometimes I just focus on an emotion without going into the details (shame is a good one for this). With EFT you start tapping on what you want to let go of, and end tapping with what you want (such as the phrase ‘I deeply and completely love, honor and accept myself’).  You can say ‘forgive myself’ in place of accept if that’s what you’re working on. When I’m really tense or can’t let go of something I’m shaming/blaming myself for, I will do a round at the end of just saying I love myself.  I do this several times until my physical body and breathing slows down and I am peaceful.  Forgiving can be hard work!

Something physical

Some ideas: mowing the yard, cleaning the bathroom, mopping, dancing, bike riding, hiking. Once you’ve done something you might want to repeat the steps above to see what else wants to be released.

Be Kind to Yourself

See the note above on being angry at yourself. Forgiveness work makes me feel raw and vulnerable so I will watch a favorite movie, take a bath or long shower, snuggle in bed with a book, lie still on the bed and listen with my eyes closed to a favorite piece of music or an audio book (Judi Dench reading Winnie the Pooh or Rosamund Pike reading Pride and Prejudice are big favorites). I bake – hello cookie dough! I’m sure you have your own favorite ways to treat yourself, and if you don’t, just do this step anyway.

Being Grateful

Gratitude can instantly change your life. It’s my number one recommendation for anything that brings on a funk. Clean air, clean water, indoor plumbing, access to food choices, free speech – we are all swimming in blessings.  Get all up in that. You can think about this while you’re doing something physical above to increase the effectiveness of both (can you tell I’m impatient – I’m always looking for ways to combine things so the healing/empowerment is faster).  This is such an important power – to pivot from a shitty day to an elixir of feeling grateful. Make this a habit.

Repeat and Be Aware

Even if you don’t feel or sense your guides they are helping you. Even if you can’t see a way past these feelings because they’ve been with you forever.  This process works but you have to do your part – don’t set yourself up for failure by quitting too soon.

Note how you are feeling after doing a few of these things.  Are you less angry or fearful?  Does the issue (person or what happened) pop in your head less? Are you just a bit happier or more energetic and engaged in your day?

Bit by bit, the ease and release comes.  Noticing the changes (however small) will speed things up.

When I first started meditating, it would take me an hour to feel a couple minutes of peace of mind. If I can go from that to where I am now with my meditations, you can find relief by committing to forgiving and doing the work.  The help is already at hand, just keep asking for it.

If it helps, see me standing with you, doing the work. We are all here together getting better.


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